Well bright and early on the first day of 2007 I began to think to myself what kind of New Year's resolutions I might dream up. I remember I used to make resolutions when I was a little girl...things like "try to be nicer to my brother" and "write more letters to my grandmother" and when I was a little older "write in my journal almost every day". Then in my college days it was "work out more, lose weight, drink more water" and so on. This year I was sort of at a loss as to what I needed to resolve to improve or work towards. Not that there's nothing to improve on....nonononooo...that's definitely not the reason! I think I just feel a little overwhelmed at what I am facing in the year ahead. I was told recently that my supervisor has a list of about 10 countries he wants me visit in the coming months in order to make contacts with the deaf there, I am facing more months of studying Arabic (WHAT a task!), not to mention keeping my chin up as I strive to live well in the Middle East. My resolution
should be: live one day at a time with grace!
Anyway I think instead of dwelling further on things to come I will spend some time writing about things in the past year. In one year a lot has changed... It has been an adventure settling in here. I am recalling many lessons my parents taught me like-
make every obstacle an adventure, live one day at a time, expect the unexpected, and celebrate even the smallest of successes! As I was growing up in the Gaza Strip we lived by these and I learned as a very little girl that
life was fragile and precious and hard. God never promised us an easy journey, only suffering was promised.
I learned to live in the moment and take from each day what it brought, with joy and thankfulness. I am trying to put those things into practice. Here are some other things I am having opportunities to live out:
1. Moving here has provided the opportunity to live with the fact that I have given up my rights. In the United States personal rights are something highly valued and taught. For women, especially, "rights" are something that have been fought for and something that women claim and hold to tightly. And living in a different culture/different countries where these "rights" are not put into practice, especially for women, has been difficult at times. I no longer have a right to have my voice heard; I do not have a right to dress as I like, go where I like, when I like; I no longer have the right to life my life my way. I am expected to live as the women here do.... or pay the price. Now, of course there are basic human rights that I will always hold to but the more general personal rights that we Americans are so used to are a thing of the past....
2. "Keep my eye on the goal"- that has been a line I've said to myself many times since coming here. There have been times when I was so lonely or sad or frustrated I've said to God, "Is it time to go back yet? Can't You please let me go now?; ....uh I was just kidding about this whole, 'move to Jordan' thing....can I go back??" When it's pouring down rain and I am standing out in it NOT finding a taxi, when the men treat me badly, when I am so overwhelmed with my job, and when I feel like turning back I sense a voice from the Lord saying, "Am I worthy?" and I know in an instant that He is. And that I can endure whatever comes my way because He is worthy and my purpose here is for Him.
3. Keeping perspective...... is not as easy as it seems. But it is something I am getting practice in!! "It could always be worse" is another phrase I repeat to myself often. I find myself coming up against several frustrating things about life here in the Middle East! One, for example, is my washing machine. For starters it is very small so if you have what may be considered one load of laundry in the U.S. I can probably fit about half or a third of it into my washer. Water only comes into my water tanks once a week- Thursdays. So Thursdays are my laundry day and it seems to consume my whole day! One delightful thing about my washer is that it's spin cycle does not do its job. Therefore after the cycle stops and I open the door to the washer I find soaking, sopping wet things inside. This is especially frustrating when washing towels (you can fit about two bath towels in the washer at one time and that's about it). Now, manually wringing out towels may not sound like a big deal but let me assure you that it is a lot more difficult than it may sound. It is especially frustrating because I don't have a dryer and it takes about two days for clothes to dry on the line (in the winter) so hanging out soaking wet things would, like, double the drying time. So there I was yesterday, leaning over the sink, holding heavy, soaking towels up, wringing ,with all my might, but somehow not managing to really get any water out! Except there is water all over me and all over the floor....and still in the towels! I stopped to rest, tried not to say ugly things to my towels and to the washer....and then I burst out laughing as it dawned on me... it could always be worse! Hey, at least I have a washer! At least I have clean water that comes in every week! So praise the Lord. Praise the Lord for the blessings that I do have, praise Him for a spin cycle that doesn't work, praise Him for the struggles He leads me through and praise Him that "He isn't an escape from reality but the way into its depths".
4. I am seeing that it is harder to forget than it is to remember.
I am going to keep this point vague for now but I am painfully experiencing this..... an attempt and a failure to forget that which I wish I could.
So here's to a new year! Here's to more adventures and more overcoming, more laughter, tears, and celebrations....
